What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
