so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
