We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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