seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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