ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
