Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
