So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
