I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
