he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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