..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
