where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
