i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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