So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
