Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
