He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
