How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize