I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
