There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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