Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This is the high leading the old right now
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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