Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize