Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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