the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
