You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
