nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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