doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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