I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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