I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
