My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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