Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
