i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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