Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
