It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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