He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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