We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize