In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
