if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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