I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
