I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
