i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
