Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
