i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
