can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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