When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
whose parrot is this?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
