You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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