The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
