I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
