can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
