You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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