Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
