Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
