i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
