too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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