Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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