you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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