I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
