forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
