Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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