Your dad touched me again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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