Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
