this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
