i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
