I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
