That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
