come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
