It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
