So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
