I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
