Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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