I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
