I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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