I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
