he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
