I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
