So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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