You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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