I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
