I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize